Stopping Self-Gaslighting: Exercises to Trust Your Memory

You might find yourself doubting your own memory or second-guessing what really happened. You are not alone.

68% of people who face gaslighting feel self-doubt and guilt.
This struggle feels tough, but you can build confidence with self-trust exercises. Give yourself patience and kindness.

Key Takeaways

Self-gaslighting makes you doubt yourself and feel confused about your memories. Noticing this habit is the first step to stop it.
Journaling is a strong way to help you trust yourself. Write often to keep track of your feelings and what happens to you. This helps you check if your memories are true.
Practice mindfulness to stay in the moment and accept your thoughts and feelings. This can help your memory be more correct and lower bad thoughts.

What Is Self-Gaslighting

Definition

Self-gaslighting happens when you start to doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. You might tell yourself, “Maybe I’m just overreacting,” or “I must be remembering it wrong.” This habit often comes from hearing others question your reality. Over time, you may begin to question yourself, even when you know deep down what you felt or saw.

You might notice that you push away your real emotions. Instead of trusting how you feel, you might try to convince yourself that your feelings are not valid. Sometimes, you blame yourself for things that are not your fault. You may even find yourself second-guessing every decision you make.

Tip: If you often wonder, “Did that really happen?” or “Am I just being too sensitive?” you could be experiencing self-gaslighting.

Impact on Memory

Self-gaslighting can make you feel confused about your own memories. When you keep doubting yourself, your brain starts to believe that your memories are not trustworthy. This can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem. You might feel like you need others to tell you what is real, which can make you feel even more unsure.

Some people who struggle with self-gaslighting also feel sad or worried a lot. You may notice that you forget details or feel unsure about what happened in the past. This is not because your memory is bad, but because you have learned to question yourself so much.

Remember, your feelings and memories matter. Trusting yourself takes practice, but you can get better at it.

Recognizing the Signs

Common Thoughts

You may notice certain thoughts when you start doubting yourself. These thoughts can show up quietly but affect you a lot. Here are some examples you might know:

You say you’re overreacting to yourself.
You tell yourself that abuse or trauma did not happen.
You start thinking your memory is not right.
You believe you are making things up.
You question and doubt your choices.
You make excuses for someone else’s bad actions.
You say your feelings do not matter.
You argue with yourself in your mind.
You get mad at yourself for feeling upset.
You blame yourself for things that are not your fault.

Note: If you think, “Maybe it wasn’t so bad,” or “I’m just overreacting,” you are not alone. These thoughts are common signs of self-gaslighting.

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Triggers

Some situations or memories can cause self-gaslighting. Sometimes, these triggers come from your past. Maybe people ignored your feelings when you were young. Maybe you had relationships where someone made you doubt what was real. Even things you hear from society can make you question your own experience.

Some triggers are:

Childhood invalidation or being told your feelings do not matter
Narcissistic relationships where others gaslight you
Cultural messages that say you should “toughen up”
Perfectionism and high-pressure places
Attachment trauma or broken early relationships
Past trauma that makes you doubt yourself

You might also notice you hide your feelings, doubt your memory, or feel like you must hide your true feelings to keep others happy. Seeing these triggers is the first step to stopping the cycle.

Self-Trust Exercises

Building trust in your memory takes practice. You can use self-trust exercises every day to help you feel more confident about what you remember and how you feel. These tools work best when you use them often and treat yourself with kindness. Let’s look at some self-trust exercises you can try right now.

Journaling

Journaling is one of the most powerful self-trust exercises. When you write down your thoughts and experiences, you create a record of your reality. This helps you see patterns, understand your feelings, and remember what really happened. Over time, your journal becomes proof that your memories matter.

Journaling helps you untangle truth from manipulation.
It gives you a safe space to sort through emotions and document your experiences.
Keeping a journal can reduce stress and help you find meaning in tough situations.
You can look back and see how your trust in your memory grows.

Tip: Try to write in your journal every day, even if it’s just a few sentences. Consistency helps you build trust in yourself.

Here are some journaling prompts to get you started:

How do I really feel about ____?
How have I used self-gaslighting in the past to survive my circumstances?
How am I harming myself with self-gaslighting?
How am I feeling about myself as I do these exercises?
What is something I wish others understood about my experience?
What emotions do I avoid and why?
What has helped me feel safe in the past?
What do I need to forgive myself for?
What strengths have I gained from surviving?
What boundaries do I need to feel secure?
What does healing look like for me today?

You do not have to answer every question at once. Pick one that feels right for you.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment without judging yourself. This practice helps you notice your thoughts and feelings as they come and go. Mindfulness is a key part of self-trust exercises because it teaches you to accept your experiences as real and important.

Mindfulness helps you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions.
It can improve your focus and memory accuracy.
Practicing mindfulness can reduce negative thought patterns and help you feel calmer.

Some mindfulness techniques you can try:

Meditation: Sit quietly and focus on your breath. Notice when your mind wanders and gently bring it back.
Listen to your gut: Pay attention to your instincts and what your body tells you.
Body scan: Close your eyes and notice each part of your body, from your toes to your head.
Journaling: Write about your thoughts and feelings as they happen.
Positive self-talk: Replace negative thoughts with kind, supportive words.

Note: Mindfulness works best when you practice it every day. Even five minutes can make a difference.

Reality Checks

Reality checks are self-trust exercises that help you test your thoughts and memories. When you feel unsure, you can use these tools to ground yourself and see what is true.

Label your emotions. Name what you feel, like “I feel sad” or “I feel confused.”
Try grounding exercises. Look around and name five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
Do a body scan. Notice how your body feels. Are your shoulders tense? Is your heart beating fast?
Practice breathwork. Take slow, deep breaths to calm your mind.
Move your body. Gentle yoga or stretching can help you feel more connected to yourself.

You can also ask yourself questions like:

What evidence do I have for this memory?
Has anyone else noticed the same thing?
What would I say to a friend who felt this way?

Callout: Reality checks help you challenge negative thoughts and see your experiences more clearly. They can turn self-doubt into self-understanding.

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk is another important self-trust exercise. The way you speak to yourself shapes how you feel about your memories and experiences. When you notice negative thoughts, try to replace them with kinder, more supportive words.

Here are some examples of positive self-talk:

“That’s just a thought, not a fact. I can choose to believe something kinder.”
“I am deserving of love and compassion.”
“I have the power to heal and grow.”
“I choose to focus on the present moment and let go of any worries about the past or the future.”
“I am stronger and more resilient than I believe.”

You can write these statements in your journal or say them out loud. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to trust yourself.

Reminder: Be patient with yourself. Self-trust exercises take time, but every small step counts.

Why Consistency and Self-Compassion Matter

You might not see big changes overnight. That’s okay. Self-trust exercises work best when you use them often and treat yourself with kindness. If you miss a day, forgive yourself and try again tomorrow. Every effort you make helps you build a stronger, more trusting relationship with your own mind.

Remember, you deserve to trust your memories and feelings. With practice, you can break the cycle of self-gaslighting and feel more confident in your own reality.

Boundaries and Support

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries helps you protect your self-trust. When you know your limits, you can stand up for yourself and feel more confident. Here are some steps you can try:

Self-Reflection: Think about what makes you feel uncomfortable or upset. These feelings often show where you need boundaries.
Communicate Clearly: Use “I” statements to share your needs. For example, say, “I need some time alone,” instead of blaming others.
Be Consistent: Stick to your boundaries. If you say no, mean it. This helps others understand you are serious.
Learn to Say No: It’s okay to turn down requests that drain your energy or make you feel bad.
Seek Support: Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and encourage you.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself. Doing things you enjoy reminds you that your well-being matters.

When you set boundaries, you can:

Build self-esteem
Focus on your own needs
Feel more independent
Avoid burnout
Strengthen your sense of identity

Tip: Boundaries are not selfish. They help you stay healthy and true to yourself.

Seeking Help

You do not have to do this alone. Support from others can make a big difference. Here are some ways to get help:

Type of Support	How It Helps
Therapist-moderated groups	Give you expert guidance and a safe space to share.
Peer-led groups	Offer understanding from people with similar experiences.
Hybrid models	Mix professional help with peer support for a balanced approach.

Talking to a therapist can help you break free from self-doubt. Therapy teaches you to express yourself and trust your feelings. You learn to process emotions in a healthy way and build confidence in your own memories.

Note: Reaching out for help shows strength, not weakness. You deserve support on your journey.

Validating Your Experience

Collecting Evidence

You can learn to trust your memory by finding small clues from your day. These clues help you know your experiences are real and matter. Try these ideas:

Ask yourself open-ended questions, like, “Can I explain what happened?” This helps you remember details without feeling stressed.
Think about your senses. What did you see, hear, or smell? Sensory details can help make memories stronger.
Try cognitive interviewing with a friend or therapist you trust. Talk about what happened in detail. This can help you remember more.

Note: Memory is not always perfect. Sometimes, things like questions, talks, or news can change how you remember. Remember this when you collect your clues.

You might want to write down what you remember soon after things happen. This gives you your own record to check later.

Reframing Beliefs

Sometimes, you may have negative thoughts about your memory or yourself. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) shows you can challenge these thoughts and change them to be more fair. Here are some common thinking traps:

Filtering: You only notice the bad parts and miss the good.
Personalizing: You blame yourself for everything.
Catastrophizing: You think the worst will happen.
Polarizing: You see things as all good or all bad.

You can ask yourself questions like:

How likely is it that the worst will happen?
Has this happened before?
What is the worst that could happen, and can I handle it?

Tip: When you change your beliefs, you build self-esteem and strength. You start to see you are worthy and able to trust your own mind.

Maintaining Progress

Self-Monitoring

You want to see how far you have come. Self-monitoring helps you notice your growth and spot patterns in your thoughts. You can use simple tools to track your journey. Here are some ways you can keep an eye on your progress:

Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings each day. This helps you see changes in your self-talk and spot when you trust yourself more.
Digital self-monitoring tools: Try apps that let you check in with your feelings in real time. These apps can remind you to pause and notice your thoughts.
Mood tracking: Keep a chart or use an app to track your mood. You might see that you feel better on days when you trust your memory.

Tip: Look for patterns. Do you notice certain times when you doubt yourself more? Use this information to plan your self-care.

Celebrating Wins

Every step forward matters. When you celebrate your wins, you build self-trust and remind yourself that healing is possible. Even small victories count. Here are some ways to celebrate:

Say “Well done!” to yourself when you notice progress.
Write down your achievements in a journal or on sticky notes.
Share your wins with a friend who supports you.
Treat yourself to something you enjoy, like a favorite snack or a fun activity.

You can also try this simple routine:

Set three small goals each morning.
Record your wins as they happen.
Reflect on your progress at night and plan for tomorrow.

Celebrating your progress helps you feel empowered. Each win, no matter how small, shows you are moving forward and rebuilding your trust in yourself.

You can learn to trust your memory by being patient and kind to yourself. Use journaling, mindfulness, and positive self-talk to help. Ask people you trust for support and make clear boundaries.

Progress does not happen right away. Celebrate every small win and keep going. You deserve help, healing, and to feel sure about your own story.

FAQ

How do I know if I am self-gaslighting?

You might notice you doubt your feelings or memories often. You may tell yourself you are “too sensitive” or “making things up.”

Trust your gut. Your feelings matter.

Can self-gaslighting affect my daily life?

Yes! Self-gaslighting can make you feel anxious or unsure. You might struggle with decisions or relationships.

You may avoid speaking up
You may second-guess yourself

What should I do if I keep doubting my memory?

Start with small steps. Try journaling or talking to someone you trust.
📝 Write down what you remember.

Each step helps you build self-trust.