How Verbal Abuse Alters Self-Esteem and Relationships
Verbal abuse can hurt people deeply and change how they see themselves and others. Many people, especially teens, deal with verbal abuse every day. More than half of teens say they face moderate verbal aggressiveness. Almost half have trouble with low self-esteem or feel depressed.
Studies show that verbal abuse causes emotional pain right away and later on. These problems can affect friendships, family relationships, and mental health. Knowing about these effects helps people spot the signs and get help.
Key Takeaways
Verbal abuse uses mean words to hurt and control someone's feelings and self-esteem. It can cause problems that last a long time, like low confidence, anxiety, depression, and trouble trusting people. Seeing signs like name-calling, threats, gaslighting, and silent treatment helps stop abuse early. Setting clear boundaries and getting help from friends, family, or professionals can protect and heal you. Healthy communication and prevention programs teach respect and help stop the cycle of verbal abuse.
Verbal Abuse Overview
What Is Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is a kind of emotional abuse. It happens when someone uses mean or tricky words to hurt or control another person. This can be done by talking, writing, or even using gestures. The person doing it wants to have power over someone else. Verbal abuse does not use physical force. Instead, it tries to control feelings and thoughts. It may start with small, mean comments. Over time, it can happen again and again. This can hurt how someone feels about themselves.
Some common forms of verbal abuse are:
Name-calling, which means using mean or rude words
Making fun of someone's ideas or how they look
Blaming someone for problems in the relationship
Cutting someone off or not listening when they talk
Gaslighting, which makes someone question their own feelings or memories
Using scary or threatening words
Not talking to someone or ignoring them on purpose
Verbal abuse often happens in a cycle. The abuser may get more bossy and mean. Then, they might say hurtful things. After that, they could say sorry or promise to change. But the cycle usually keeps going and can get worse.
Common Verbal Attacks
Verbal attacks can happen in many places. They can happen at home, at school, or at work. Some common types of verbal abuse are:
Verbal aggression, like yelling or using bad words to upset someone
Humiliating or belittling, which makes someone feel small or not important
Threats, which are meant to scare or control someone
Insults and always criticizing, which hurts confidence and self-worth
Bullying, where someone uses words to control or leave out another person
Real stories show how much verbal attacks can hurt. For example, Kari from New York was made fun of in public. She was insulted, which made her feel scared and anxious. She also lost her self-esteem. At work, many people say they face verbal harassment. This can be rude comments or being shamed in front of others. It makes the workplace feel unsafe.
Emotional Impacts
Self-Esteem
Verbal abuse often hurts how people feel about themselves. When someone hears mean words or gets criticized a lot, they might start to believe it. These words can change how a person thinks about who they are. Many people who go through emotional abuse have low self-esteem. They may not feel confident. They might doubt what they can do and feel nervous around others.
A 2019 study in Scientific Reports showed that verbal abuse harms self-esteem and causes unfair blame. This damage affects mental health and how people get along with others, especially college students.
Research also says that when parents use verbal abuse, it can hurt children's self-esteem for a long time. Kids who go through this kind of abuse often keep these feelings even when they grow up.
People with low self-esteem might not try new things or make new friends. They could feel like they do not deserve love or respect. These feelings can last a long time and make it hard to heal from bad experiences.
Worthlessness and Shame
People who are verbally abused often feel worthless and ashamed. Mental health experts say emotional abuse makes a harmful place to live. In this place, people stop trusting and talking to each other. Victims may feel alone and scared to ask for help. The effects of this abuse can make mental health problems worse and make shame stronger.
Verbal abuse uses mean words, criticism, and making fun of someone to lower self-esteem and create fear.
Victims often feel mixed up, worried, and unsure about themselves.
Emotional abuse tries to make people feel weak and not good enough, which hurts their confidence and strength.
The abuse cycle can make people feel alone and depend on others, making shame and worthlessness worse.
Over time, these problems can cause long-lasting mental health issues, like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and trouble making healthy friendships.
Anxiety and Depression
Verbal abuse does more than just hurt feelings. It can cause serious mental health problems. Studies show a strong link between verbal abuse and anxiety and depression. For example, a 2025 study in Gilgit-Baltistan, Pakistan, found that when parents use verbal abuse, teens are more likely to feel depressed and anxious.
People who face verbal abuse may feel nervous, sad, or without hope. They might not sleep well or stop liking things they used to enjoy. Some people get PTSD or think about suicide. These problems can last for years and affect all parts of life.
Effects of Verbal Abuse
Long-Term Consequences
Verbal abuse can hurt someone for many years. People who go through emotional abuse often feel helpless. These feelings can last a long time. They can change how someone thinks and acts. Verbal abuse can cause emotional trauma. This trauma can change how the brain works. It can also change how someone deals with stress.
A review in Child Abuse & Neglect looked at 166 studies about verbal abuse in children. The review found that verbal abuse does more than hurt feelings. Kids who face this kind of abuse often feel sad, angry, or act out. Some may get conduct disorders or use drugs. Others might break rules or become abusers too. The review also found links to health problems like obesity and COPD.
Childhood and Adulthood
Verbal abuse hurts children in big ways. It can ruin self-esteem and confidence. Many kids feel worthless or ashamed. These bad feelings often last into adulthood. A big study of over 20,000 adults found something important. Adults who had verbal abuse as kids had worse mental health. Their risk was even higher than those who only had physical abuse.
Researchers found that childhood verbal abuse raises the risk for anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Many adults with this trauma also have personality disorders. Some may use drugs or hurt themselves. Verbal abuse can also hurt relationships. Many adults who were abused as kids find it hard to trust others.
Verbal Abuse in Marriage
Relationship Damage
Verbal abuse in marriage can hurt people's feelings a lot. Many couples deal with name-calling, yelling, blaming, threats, and always being criticized. These actions make people feel bad about themselves. They can also cause anxiety or depression. Over time, the marriage can start to fall apart. Partners may stop caring and feel alone, even together. Some abusers use tricks like gaslighting, mocking, or acting like the victim. Gaslighting makes someone doubt their own memory or feelings.
Many people in these marriages hope things will get better, but the cycle often repeats. Getting help from therapy or support groups can stop this pattern and help people feel better.
Trust and Communication
Trust and talking to each other get much worse in marriages with verbal abuse. Abusers use insults, mean teasing, and threats to hurt their partner's self-worth. Victims may not see these actions as abuse, so it keeps happening. Over time, people lose confidence and feel unsure about what is real. Partners stop sharing their feelings and become distant.
Example | Impact on Trust and Communication | |
|---|---|---|
Name-calling | "You idiot, now you have made me angry!" | Makes people scared and angry |
Gaslighting | "Why are you always so sensitive to everything?" | Causes confusion and makes people pull away |
Withholding | Refusing to talk until apology | Stops people from talking to each other |
Criticism | "Why are you so disorganized?" | Hurts confidence and makes honesty hard |
Recognizing Verbal Abuse
Signs in Yourself
Many people do not notice verbal abuse happening to them. Experts say there are warning signs to watch for. These signs can start slowly and seem normal at first. But after a while, they can hurt your self-esteem and feelings.
Insults and name-calling that do not stop, even when you ask
Harsh criticism that attacks who you are
Mean comments or rude remarks
Silent treatment or threats used to control what you do
Being kept away from friends and family
Angry actions, like slamming doors or breaking things
Some people feel nervous or scared around someone. They might start to question their own memories. They may feel mixed up after talking with that person. Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt what is real. Emotional tricks, like blaming or sudden mood swings, can also be signs of abuse.
Not Sure If You Are Been Gaslighted?
Sometimes it's hard to recognize gaslighting and emotional manipulation. Our Gaslighting Check app helps you identify patterns and provides personalized guidance based on your specific situation.
Try Gaslighting Check App NowSigns in Others
Noticing verbal abuse in others can help keep them safe. People who are abused may act different or seem sad. They might skip social events or pull away from others.
Making someone feel embarrassed or bad about themselves
Scary actions, like threatening gestures or breaking things
Not showing respect, like interrupting or twisting words
Breaking trust by lying or hiding the truth
Blaming the victim or saying the abuse did not happen
Using threats or making someone do things they do not want
Keeping someone away from friends or family
If you see these signs, the person may need help and care. Noticing abuse early can help keep them safe and healthy.
Breaking the Cycle
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is very important for people facing verbal abuse. Boundaries help protect how you feel and your self-worth. Experts have some tips for setting limits:
1. Stay calm and take deep breaths to keep things from getting worse. 2. Make your boundaries clear and say what will happen if they are crossed, like, "If you talk to me that way again, I will leave." 3. Always stick to your boundaries and do what you said you would do. 4. Use "I feel" statements to point out abuse without starting a fight. 5. Try not to argue or get defensive with the abuser. 6. Walk away if the person keeps being mean.
Seeking Support
Getting help from others is very important for healing. Friends, family, and support groups can help you feel less alone. Support groups are safe places to share your story and find hope. Mental health professionals can help you through hard times and make safety plans if you need them.
Good support from others helps people heal faster.
Support groups let people talk and feel understood.
Professionals can help with safety plans and ways to cope.
Taking care of yourself, like making goals and being kind to yourself, helps build self-esteem.
Professional Help
Getting help from a professional, like a therapist, can really help people who have been verbally abused. Therapy helps people see the abuse and know it was not their fault. Therapists teach ways to cope and help people set healthy boundaries. They also help change negative thoughts and build self-esteem.
Therapy is a safe place to talk about shame and pain. Special therapies like EMDR and ART help people deal with bad memories and feel less upset. These programs use proven ways to help people heal and trust themselves again.
Prevention and Support
Healthy Communication
Healthy communication can help stop verbal abuse at home, school, and in the community. Experts have some tips to help people feel safe and respected:
Trust your own feelings and listen to your thoughts. This helps you know when something feels wrong.
Walk away if someone is being mean or trying to control you. You do not have to explain why you leave.
Take care of your mind by not thinking about mean words. Talk to friends or adults you trust for help.
Remember, you can choose how you react. No one has to let someone else control them.
Many programs teach these skills to help prevent abuse. Schools are also important in stopping abuse. Teachers and staff watch for bullying and help right away. They make clear rules and help students become friends. School programs like Dating Matters and Positive Action teach kids to care about others, work together, and solve problems.
Supporting Victims
Helping victims of verbal abuse is very important. There are many places that help people feel safe and understood. Guides like the Abuse Awareness and Prevention Guide show how to spot abuse, make safety plans, and get help. Hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Sexual Assault Hotline give help all day and night.
School counselors also help by teaching students about abuse and building self-worth. They work with families and train teachers to see warning signs. Learning about abuse helps everyone know what is safe and what is not.
Verbal abuse can hurt self-esteem and relationships for a long time. If people see the signs early, they can get help and start to feel better. Mental health experts suggest these steps to recover:
Find out how verbal abuse can hurt your mental health.
Make clear rules for yourself and stick to them.
Talk to friends, family, or join support groups.
Get help from a therapist to feel more confident.
Make a plan to stay safe if you need to.
People can heal. With support and hope, anyone can get better.
FAQ
What are some early signs of verbal abuse?
People might notice lots of mean comments or name-calling. Sometimes, someone gets ignored on purpose. The abuser may blame others or use threats. Victims can feel nervous or unsure about themselves. These signs often start small and get worse over time.
Can verbal abuse happen in friendships?
Yes, friends can be verbally abusive too. One friend might use insults or sarcasm to control the other. They may also use threats. This can hurt trust and lower self-esteem. Good friends should help each other feel safe and respected.
How does verbal abuse affect children at school?
Kids who are verbally abused may have trouble learning. They might feel worried, sad, or scared to talk in class. Some kids skip school or find it hard to make friends. Teachers and counselors can help by noticing changes and giving support.
Is it possible to recover from verbal abuse?
Yes, people can get better after verbal abuse. Many heal with help from friends, family, or professionals. Therapy can help build self-esteem and confidence again. Support groups give a safe place to share and learn new skills.
Where can someone get help for verbal abuse?
People can call hotlines, talk to school counselors, or ask trusted adults for help. Many groups give free support and advice. The National Domestic Violence Hotline and local mental health centers can help people stay safe and heal.