Building Your Own Domestic Abuse Checklist for Protection

You should feel safe at home. Each year, more than 10 million people in the U.S. face domestic abuse. Many people do not see the danger until it gets worse. A Domestic Abuse Checklist helps you find warning signs. It also helps you take steps to stay safe and build a healthy relationship based on respect.

You are not alone. A checklist can help you make choices to keep yourself and loved ones safe.

Key Takeaways

• Domestic abuse can look different. It is not just hitting or hurting. It can be physical, emotional, financial, or use technology to harm.

• You should know the warning signs. These include unexplained injuries, controlling behavior, and emotional abuse. This helps you stay safe and get help early.

• Make your own checklist. Add important questions and safety plans. This gets you ready for emergencies. It helps protect you and your loved ones.

• Write down any abuse and keep records. This can help keep you safe. It can also help if you need to take legal action.

• There are many places to get help. You can call hotlines, go to shelters, or get legal aid. These resources help you deal with abuse and take back control.

What Is Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is when someone tries to control another person. This can happen in a relationship. It does not always leave bruises or marks. Sometimes, you may not see it at first. Anyone can be affected by abuse. It does not matter how old you are. It does not matter if you are a boy or girl. It does not matter where you come from.

Types of Abuse

Some people think abuse is only hitting or hurting. But abuse can happen in many ways. Here is a table that shows the types:

Abuse is not just about hurting your body. It can hurt your feelings or your money. It can even happen online. Knowing these types helps you see the whole problem.

Why It's Often Overlooked

Many people do not see abuse right away. Some people believe myths about abuse. Some things make it hard to notice or tell others. Here are some reasons:

• People may think abuse is only hitting, but it can be emotional or about money.

• Some think abuse only happens to certain people, but it can happen to anyone.

• Victims may feel stuck because abusers try to control them or take their money.

• Some people think abuse is a family problem, so they do not ask for help.

Signs of Domestic Violence You Should Never Ignore

Knowing the warning signs of domestic abuse can help keep you safe. Many people do not notice these signs at first. If you learn what to watch for, you can get help sooner and identify emotionally abusive behaviors early.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Physical signs of domestic abuse can show up as injuries you cannot explain. You might see bruises, broken bones, or burns. Sometimes, people make up stories about how they got hurt. Here are some signs to look for:

1. Bruises on the face, neck, arms, or legs

2. Broken bones or fractures that do not match the story

3. Burns or scalds, sometimes in strange shapes

You might also see other signs of physical or sexual abuse, like:

Physical and sexual abuse can make you sick right away or later. You might get headaches, have trouble sleeping, or feel pain that will not stop. These warning signs should always be taken seriously.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is harder to spot, but it is very serious. You might feel mixed up, scared, or like you have no power. Red flags of emotional abuse include tactics that destroy your self-esteem over time. Some signs of emotional abuse are:

• Name-calling, insults, or making you feel small

• Gaslighting and manipulation or tricks that make you doubt yourself

• Emotional withholding - refusing to show affection or communicate

• Keeping you away from family and friends

• Threats to hurt you or themselves if you leave

• Unpredictable mood swings that keep you walking on eggshells

• Excessive jealousy and possessiveness that limits your freedom

You might see someone trying to control what you wear or who you talk to. Over time, emotional abuse can make you feel sad, worried, or even cause pain in your body. Constant criticism and blaming you for their problems are common tactics. These behaviors destroy your self-esteem and create emotional withholding patterns. If you see these behaviors, know they are warning signs. Bad words and threats can lead to physical violence.

Controlling and Financial Behaviors

Controlling behavior can look like threats or always making choices for you. You might feel stuck or scared to say no. Financial abuse is another warning sign. The abuser may take your money, stop you from working, or make you ask for money. These tactics show excessive jealousy and possessiveness over your independence. Here are some examples:

You might also hear threats to take your kids or ruin your credit. These actions give the abuser more control over you and often involve unpredictable mood swings to keep you confused. If you see these signs, do not ignore them. Noticing the signs early can help you get help and stay safe.

Step-by-Step Guide to Creating a Domestic Abuse Checklist

Making your own domestic abuse checklist helps you stay safe. It also helps protect people you care about. This guide can help you make a checklist that fits your life. Each step helps you see danger, plan for safety, and know what to do.

Key Questions to Ask

Begin your checklist by asking some important questions. These questions help you see if you are at risk. They also help you understand your situation better. Be honest when you answer. Change your answers if things change.

• Are you scared of your partner most of the time?

• Has your partner ever said they would hurt you, your kids, or pets?

• Has your partner used weapons or talked about using them?

• Do you see signs of stalking, like being followed or watched?

• Does your partner control your money or stop you from working?

• Has your partner ever hurt you or forced you into sex?

• Do you feel alone and away from friends or family?

• Has your partner said they would hurt themselves if you leave?

• Are there kids, and do you worry about their safety?

• Does your partner blame you for what they do or say it is your fault?

• Has violence or threats gotten worse over time?

• Do you have a place to go if you need to leave fast?

Tip: You know your life best. Trust your feelings when you answer these questions.

Checklist for Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is hard to see, but it is very serious. Use this part of your checklist to spot signs of emotional abuse. If you check off many items, you may need more help.

1. Your partner often says mean things or puts you down.

2. You feel scared because of threats or being bullied.

3. Your partner makes fun of you in front of others.

4. Your feelings are ignored or not taken seriously.

5. You notice guilt-tripping or tricks to control you.

6. Your partner tries to keep you away from friends or family.

7. You see a lot of jealousy or controlling actions.

8. Your partner blames you for their actions or problems.

9. You start to doubt your memory or what is real.

10. Your partner does not show love to punish or control you.

11. You feel stuck in a cycle of kindness and then meanness.

12. Your partner makes choices for you without asking.

13. Your phone, email, or social media are always checked.

14. You feel like you must keep the peace, even if it is not your fault.

Note: Emotional abuse can hurt your confidence and mind. Seeing these signs is an important part of your checklist.

Safety Planning Steps

A good checklist has a safety plan. This plan helps you get ready for emergencies. It helps you stay safe if you need to leave. Change your plan if your situation changes.

1. Find safe rooms in your home that lock and stay away from weapons.

2. Pick safe places outside, like a neighbor's house you trust.

3. Pack a bag with clothes, cash, papers, medicine, and phone numbers.

4. Hide your bag and extra keys in a safe spot.

5. Remember your plan or keep it where your partner cannot find it.

6. Use a safe computer or phone to look up help or talk to others.

7. Clear your internet history and keep passwords secret.

8. Change your daily habits so you are not easy to find.

9. Plan how to keep your kids and pets safe in an emergency.

10. Talk to friends or family about your plan, but only if you trust them.

11. Call shelters early to learn their rules and save a spot if needed.

12. Save money in secret or ask someone you trust to keep it for you.

13. Gather important papers like IDs, birth certificates, and court orders.

14. Think about getting a new phone number and blocking your abuser.

15. Ask for help from advocates or counselors for advice.

16. Write down abuse with photos, messages, and notes. Keep them safe.

17. Get ready for legal needs, like custody or protection orders, after leaving.

18. Keep your location secret and think about address confidentiality programs.

Safety Tip: Leaving can be the most dangerous time. Plan ahead and get help from people who know how to help.

A domestic abuse checklist is more than just a list. It is a tool you can change as your needs change. Use it to spot emotional abuse, plan for safety, and get ready to leave safely. Remember, you deserve to feel safe and respected.

Taking Action and Finding the Right Support Systems to Overcome Domestic Abuse

Documenting Abuse

If you are facing emotional abuse or other types of domestic violence, it is important to keep records. Good notes can help you stay safe and help your case if you need legal help. Here are some things you should do:

1. Write down every time emotional abuse happens. Include the date, time, and what took place.

2. Use simple and honest words. Do not make things sound worse or use strong feelings.

3. Take pictures of any injuries or things that got broken.

4. Save emails, texts, voicemails, and social media posts that show emotional abuse. Print them or take screenshots with dates and times.

5. Keep medical and therapy papers. Ask people who saw what happened to write it down.

6. Put all your records in a safe spot, like a password-protected account or with someone you trust.

Tip: Never let the abuser see your records. Keep them private and safe.

Seeking Help and Resources

You do not have to deal with emotional abuse by yourself. There are many ways to get help and stay safe. You can call hotlines, join support groups, or go to shelters. These services can help stop violence and make your life better. Most people who use these programs say they help. You can also talk to a counselor or mental health worker. They help you handle the effects of emotional abuse and get stronger.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• A Call For Change Helpline: (877) 898-3411

• Local shelters and advocacy centers give safe places and support.

• Support groups let you meet others who know what you are going through.

• Children's services help keep your kids safe and meet their needs.

Getting help can help you heal, feel less alone, and get your confidence back. Building your self-esteem after abuse takes time and support. If you are worried about privacy, use a safe computer and protect your information.

Legal and Community Support

Laws can help you take steps against emotional abuse. You can ask for a protective order if you feel unsafe. The court will want you to explain the emotional abuse and show proof. Judges look at your story and decide if you need protection. Legal aid programs help you fill out forms and get ready for court. They also help with child custody, housing, and money problems.

Things like language, fear, or not having enough money can make it hard to get help. Many programs have interpreters and help for people from all backgrounds. You deserve to be safe and treated with respect. Take steps to protect yourself and your loved ones from emotional abuse.

A domestic abuse checklist can help you feel stronger. It helps you stay safe at home or anywhere. Many people like using digital checklists because they feel more private. They do not feel judged when they use them. Planning ahead helps you feel more sure of yourself. You can have more control over your choices.

• Using checklists on a computer lets more people talk about abuse.

• Making a safety plan helps your feelings and helps you get better.

• Having people to support you makes hard times easier.

Seeing abuse and making a plan is brave. You should always feel safe and respected.

FAQ

What should you do if you think you are in danger right now?

Call 911 or your local emergency number. Go to a safe place if you can. Ask a trusted neighbor or friend for help. Your safety comes first.

How can you keep your checklist private?

Keep your checklist in a safe place. Use a password on your phone or computer. Delete your browser history after searching for help. Ask a friend to hold a paper copy if you need.

Who can you talk to about your situation?

You can talk to a counselor, teacher, doctor, or trusted adult. Many communities have hotlines and support groups. You do not have to face this alone. Help is always available.