How to Rebuild Trust in Yourself After Emotional Neglect

You’re not alone if you find it hard to trust yourself after emotional neglect. Many people—almost one in five children—face neglect before they turn 17, and the effects can last for years. Emotional neglect can make you question your choices and feel unsure about your worth. You might notice anxiety or low self-esteem sneaking in. Recovering from neglect takes time, but you can do it. Give yourself permission to take small steps and show kindness to yourself every day.

Key Takeaways

• Emotional neglect can make you doubt yourself. It can also lower your self-esteem. Noticing these feelings is the first step. This helps you start to trust yourself again.

• Begin with small choices each day. Every choice, even tiny ones, helps you feel more confident. You start to feel more in control of your life.

• Try mindfulness to connect with your feelings. Mindfulness helps you notice your emotions. You learn about your feelings without judging them. This helps you heal.

• Be around people who support you. Having a good support system helps you recover. Supportive friends and family make a big difference.

• Celebrate your small successes. Even little achievements matter. When you notice your progress, you feel encouraged. This helps you keep growing.

Impact of Emotional Neglect

Self-Trust and Neglect

If you grow up with emotional neglect, you might feel invisible. Your caregivers might not notice when you are sad or upset. After a while, you may start to doubt your own feelings. You could wonder if your emotions are real or important. This makes it tough to trust yourself as you get older.

A 2015 meta-analysis showed that emotional abuse is most linked to depression. Neglect comes next. Emotional neglect is common in people with depression. This shows how much it can hurt your mind.

You might have trouble knowing what you feel or need. This happens because you did not get enough support as a child. If your caregivers do not show you that you matter, you may think your feelings are not real. This can make you doubt yourself and question your choices.

Signs of Lost Trust

There are signs that show you do not trust yourself. These signs can show up in your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

• You have a hard time trusting others, so you keep your feelings inside.

• You ignore your own feelings and let others make choices for you.

• You might use unhealthy ways to deal with pain, like avoiding your feelings or feeling nothing at all.

• You feel anxious or sad most of the time.

• You have low self-esteem and think you are not good enough.

Emotional neglect can make people feel worse after therapy. People with a history of neglect may not feel as much success from treatment.

If you see these signs in yourself, you are not alone. Many people notice these things when healing from neglect. The good news is you can learn to trust yourself again, one step at a time.

Validating Your Experience

Naming Emotions

When you grow up with emotional neglect, it can feel hard to know what you are feeling. Sometimes, you might not even have words for your emotions. Learning to name your feelings is a big step in recovering from neglect. It helps you understand yourself and lets others know how to support you.

Here are some ways you can start naming your emotions:

1. Pause and check in with yourself. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?”

2. Try to get specific. Instead of just “sad,” maybe you feel “disappointed” or “lonely.”

3. Use an emotion wheel. This tool shows many different feelings and helps you find the right word.

4. Practice mindfulness. Notice your feelings as they come up, without judging them.

5. Share your feelings with someone you trust. Saying them out loud can make them feel more real.

Therapy can also help you learn to notice, name, and express your emotions. Therapists often guide you to break down the wall that blocks your feelings. They help you build new skills for managing and sharing your emotions.

Healing means learning to notice, name, and express your emotions. This is a key part of moving forward.

Permission to Feel

You might think your feelings do not matter, but they do. Giving yourself permission to feel is a powerful part of healing. When you allow yourself to feel, you start to fill the needs that were missed in the past.

Self-compassion also plays a big role. Being kind to yourself can help you grow stronger and more resilient. It protects you from harsh self-criticism and helps you manage tough emotions. Remember, recovering from neglect is not about erasing the past. It is about building a new, caring relationship with your feelings.

Recovering from Neglect

Small Decisions

You might feel overwhelmed when you think about changing your life all at once. Start small. Making tiny choices each day helps you build trust in yourself. You can pick what you want for lunch or decide which shirt to wear. These micro-decisions matter. Ana’s story shows how choosing her own lunch helped her feel more confident. Each small step gives you a sense of control. Jonice Webb says tuning into your feelings and making your own choices is key. When you trust your gut, you start to value your own voice.

Here’s a simple way to practice:

1. Notice when you have a choice.

2. Pause and ask yourself what you want.

3. Make the decision, even if it feels scary.

4. Reflect on how it feels afterward.

Over time, these small choices add up. You start to feel stronger and more sure of yourself. Recovering from neglect is like building a muscle. Every little decision helps.

Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness helps you stay present. It teaches you to notice your thoughts and feelings without judging them. You can try simple exercises like focusing on your breath or paying attention to sounds around you. Mindfulness lets you slow down and listen to yourself.

Try this:

• Sit quietly for a few minutes.

• Notice your breath going in and out.

• If your mind wanders, gently bring it back.

• Name any feelings that come up.

Mindfulness can help you process stuck energies and calm your nervous system. Therapies like EMDR and somatic experiencing use mindfulness to help people heal from trauma. These approaches connect your mind and body, making it easier to understand your emotions.

Reconnecting with Your Body

Your body holds memories of emotional neglect. Sometimes, you might feel tense or disconnected. Reconnecting with your body is a big part of recovering from neglect. Somatic therapy focuses on how your body expresses trauma. It helps you notice where you feel stress or pain.

Here are some ways to reconnect:

• Stretch or move your body gently.

• Notice where you feel emotions, like tightness in your chest or butterflies in your stomach.

• Try grounding exercises, like feeling your feet on the floor.

Bessel van der Kolk says body-based healing is important for trauma. Without body awareness, your nervous system can stay stuck in stress. Somatic Experiencing and EMDR help you process painful memories and regulate your body’s response. These therapies work well for people who feel physical symptoms of trauma.

Challenging Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can make you doubt yourself. You might hear a voice in your head saying you’re not good enough. Catching these thoughts is the first step. Challenge them by asking, “Is this really true?” or “What happens if I keep thinking this way?”

Catching negative self-talk empowers you to change it. The next step is to challenge it. Acknowledge thoughts as just thoughts and question their truth with prompts like: "Is it really true?" or "What is the consequence of thinking this thought?"

Replace harsh words with kind ones. Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself:

• You can do this.

• You are important and you matter.

• You deserve to get your needs met just as much as anyone.

• Speak up. Say it now.

Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. This helps you heal and build trust in yourself.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries means deciding what’s okay for you and what’s not. It helps you protect your energy and needs. When you set healthy boundaries, you start to believe your needs matter. You rely less on unhealthy coping methods and feel better about yourself.

My confidence grew as my choices aligned more with my desires than trying to please other people. My opinion about myself changed when I stopped putting myself last and began to prioritize my own needs and communicate them clearly to others.

When you set healthy boundaries, you begin to believe your needs matter. As you fulfill those needs, you rely less on unhealthy coping mechanisms to feel okay. And you feel better about yourself in the process.

When I got more intentional about how I spent my time and energy, my values became clear to me. As I focused more on doing things that fulfilled me, I used those values to help me make decisions that would keep me on track for the life I wanted.

Try these steps:

• Be honest with yourself about what you need.

• Reclaim one choice a day that feels right for you.

• Practice saying no without over-explaining.

Nurturing a positive mindset and practicing self-compassion help you set boundaries. If you struggle, professional help can support you. Therapies like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or parts work help you understand and heal different parts of yourself. These approaches teach you to build a healthy relationship with your needs.

Recovering from neglect takes time. Spend time alone, process stuck energies, and prioritize your needs. You deserve to feel safe and valued. Each step you take helps you rebuild trust in yourself.

Support and Healing

Supportive People

You do not have to heal alone. The people around you can make a big difference in your recovery. When you spend time with friends or family who respect your feelings, you start to feel safer and more understood. You might notice that you feel less alone when you talk to someone who listens without judging you.

Strong social connections can help protect you from the effects of emotional neglect. Studies show that having supportive friends during your teenage years can lower your risk of feeling depressed later on, even if you have faced neglect in the past.

Try to look for people who make you feel comfortable being yourself. These people might be friends, family members, or even teachers. You can also join support groups, either in person or online. In these groups, you can share your story and hear from others who understand what you are going through.

Here are some ways to build a support system:

• Reach out to someone you trust and let them know how you feel.

• Join a club or group that shares your interests.

• Set boundaries with people who do not respect your feelings.

Professional Help

Sometimes, you need more than just friends and family. Therapy can give you tools to heal and grow. If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to cope, it might be time to talk to a professional. Therapists can help you understand your feelings and teach you new ways to handle tough situations.

Here are some types of therapy that can help with emotional neglect:

You deserve support. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Healing gets easier when you have the right people and tools by your side.

Maintaining Progress

Celebrate Wins

You might think small achievements do not matter, but they do. Every little step you take counts. When you celebrate your wins, even the tiny ones, you build a strong foundation for bigger changes. Maybe you got out of bed today or made a healthy choice for lunch. These micro-victories help you see your progress and remind you that you can handle more.

“I started by just taking a shower. That small win helped me get back to work. Later, I even got a promotion. Each step built on the last.”

Try to notice your daily successes. You can write them down in a notebook or share them with a friend. This habit helps you focus on what you are doing right, not just what you want to fix. When you practice self-compassion and challenge perfectionist thoughts, you give yourself permission to grow at your own pace.

Here are some ways to celebrate your wins:

• Give yourself a high five in the mirror.

• Tell someone about your progress.

• Treat yourself to something you enjoy.

• Pause and say, “I did it!”

Self-Care Routines

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is a key part of healing. You can start small by making one choice each day that feels right for you. Listen to your body and notice what it needs. Maybe you need rest, a snack, or a walk outside.

Mental health professionals suggest these self-care habits:

• Tune into your physical needs and feelings.

• Expect some guilt when you put yourself first. See it as a sign of growth.

• Reflect on your choices and notice how they make you feel.

• Stretch into bigger decisions as you gain confidence.

• Keep a positive mindset by encouraging yourself.

You can track your healing by writing down your feelings, setting boundaries, and practicing forgiveness. Each act of self-care helps you trust yourself a little more. Over time, these routines become proof that you matter and that you are moving forward.

Healing and rebuilding trust in yourself takes time. You do not have to rush. Here’s what helps most:

• Recovery happens step by step.

• Patience and support make a big difference.

• Setbacks are normal, but you can keep moving forward.

Therapy can guide you if you need extra help:

Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate every small win. You have the strength to grow and reconnect with who you are. 🌱

FAQ

How long does it take to rebuild self-trust?

Everyone heals at their own pace. You might notice small changes in a few weeks, but deeper trust can take months or even years. Be patient with yourself. Every step counts.

Can I heal from emotional neglect without therapy?

You can make progress on your own. Self-help tools, books, and support from friends help a lot. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, therapy gives you extra support and guidance.

What if I feel guilty for putting myself first?

Guilt is common when you start caring for yourself. It shows you are changing old patterns. Try to see guilt as a sign of growth, not a mistake.

Tip: Remind yourself, “My needs matter too.”

How do I know if I am making progress?

You might notice you speak up more, make your own choices, or feel less anxious. Celebrate these wins. Keeping a journal helps you see your growth over time.

Is it normal to have setbacks?

Yes, setbacks happen to everyone. Healing is not a straight line. If you slip back into old habits, show yourself kindness and keep moving forward.