Gaslighting and Gender: Do Women or Men Experience it Differently?

You might wonder about gender differences in gaslighting and whether men and women experience it in the same way. Research highlights that gender differences in gaslighting are significant, with women and men not going through gaslighting identically.

• 33% of women and 24% of men have been called "crazy" by a partner, showing clear gender differences in gaslighting experiences.

• 46% of women and 32% of men have faced psychological abuse, further emphasizing gender differences in gaslighting.

“When women’s concerns are not taken seriously,” she said, “it can cause delays in getting the right treatment and make people trust the health care system less.”

Gaslighting can make you question your reality. Understanding gender differences in gaslighting can help you support others and recognize gaslighting in your own life.

Key Takeaways

• Gaslighting hurts men and women in different ways. Women are more likely to face mental abuse. They are also more likely to be ignored when they talk about their problems. Knowing the signs of gaslighting is very important. These signs include someone denying your feelings. They may also try to change what is real. This helps you keep yourself and others safe. Getting help from friends, family, or experts can make things better. It can help you deal with gaslighting. It can also help you feel strong again.

Gender Differences Gaslighting: Quick Overview

Main Findings

Gender differences in gaslighting can show up in many ways. Researchers say men and women use different tactics to gaslight. Look at the table below to see some differences:

Men often use gaslighting to control people. Women may shout or yell more when gaslighting. Studies show men accept gaslighting tactics more than women. These gender differences can change how you notice or feel manipulation.

Here are some other main findings:

• Women survivors often say people ignore their reports of abuse. This can make them feel ashamed and alone.

• Many women have trouble finding words to explain what happened. This makes it harder for them to get help.

• Cultural stereotypes can make people think psychological abuse is not important. This can make gender differences in gaslighting worse.

Why Gender Matters

Gender is important in how you might experience gaslighting. Many people feel gaslit by doctors or nurses who do not believe their pain. Sometimes, healthcare workers blame patients for their problems. This can make you doubt yourself and feel hurt. Some people hear their pain is just part of their gender identity, which can be confusing.

Gender differences in gaslighting matter because they affect how you see yourself and how others treat you. When you know about these differences, you can better help yourself and others who face gaslighting.

What Is Gaslighting?

Definition and Tactics

You may have heard the word gaslighting before. It is a kind of psychological manipulation. Tracy A. Malone says gaslighting is mind control. It makes people doubt what is real. Karen Salmansohn says gaslighting is emotional abuse. It makes you question facts, your memory, and your feelings.

Gaslighting can make you feel mixed up and unsure. People who use gaslighting want to control how you see things. They want you to doubt yourself and the world. Here are some gaslighting behaviors you might see:

• Reality distortion: Someone says what you saw or heard did not happen.

• Memory manipulation: You are told your memory is wrong, even if you remember.

• Emotional invalidation: Your feelings are called silly or ignored.

• Creating dependency: The person wants you to trust only their view.

Red Flags

You can spot gaslighting if you know what to watch for. Gaslighters often tell lies and deny promises, even with proof. Sometimes, they say rude things and then deny it. Look for these warning signs:

• You are told you overreact all the time.

• The person says or does things that do not match.

• You feel like you cannot do anything right.

• They deny past talks or events.

• You get cut off from friends or help.

• They blame you and do not take responsibility.

• You notice small but steady put-downs.

Tip: If you see these signs, trust yourself. Gaslighting can make you doubt, but you deserve to feel safe and respected.

Gaslighting in Women

Romantic Relationships

Gaslighting happens a lot in romantic relationships. Someone may try to control you and make you doubt yourself. If your partner says you are too sensitive, you might start to question your own feelings. Emotional abuse is when your partner wants power over you. This can make you feel alone and unsure about what is real. Many women do not speak up because they feel scared or ashamed.

Gaslighting in Women’s Health

Gaslighting in health care happens when doctors ignore your symptoms. Medical gaslighting can make you feel like you do not matter. Gender bias in health care can cause wrong diagnoses or slow treatment. Women are more likely to get the wrong diagnosis during heart attacks. If you have bad nausea in pregnancy, your symptoms may be ignored. Women with strong pain often wait longer for help in emergency rooms. These problems can make you doubt yourself and lose trust in doctors.

• Women often get the wrong diagnosis during heart attacks.

• Medical gaslighting causes late diagnoses and poor treatment.

• Women with strong pain wait longer for help than men.

Impacts of Gaslighting on Women

Gaslighting can hurt your mind and body. You may hide your feelings at the doctor or worry about being judged. Many women feel sad after years without answers about their health. Gaslighting can cause worry, sadness, trauma, and low confidence. Late diagnosis and worse health problems make you more likely to get sick.

• Hiding feelings at the doctor

• Worry about being judged or ignored

• Sadness from years without answers

• Worry, sadness, trauma, and low confidence

• Late diagnosis and worse health problems

Old gender roles and unfair systems give some people more power. This makes it easier for others to control and hurt women. If you do not have social or money power, you are more at risk for gaslighting. People who gaslight often have more privilege, which leads to blaming victims. At work, someone may control you by ignoring your concerns or taking credit for your ideas.

Note: If you think someone is trying to control or gaslight you, you deserve help and respect. Seeing these patterns is the first step to keeping yourself safe.

Gaslighting in Men

Social and Romantic Contexts

Some people think gaslighting only happens to women. But men can be gaslighted too. Studies say over half of people in relationships face gaslighting. In friendships or dating, someone might try to control you. They might make you doubt what is real. A partner could deny your feelings or say your memories are wrong. This can make you feel mixed up. You might start to question your own thoughts.

People expect men to be tough and not show weakness. If you are a man, you might feel embarrassed to say you are being gaslighted. Many men worry others will not believe them. Some fear people will judge them for being victims. There are not many support groups for men. Most help is made for women. This makes it hard for men to get help or even know they are being gaslighted.

Impacts of Gaslighting on Men

Gaslighting can hurt your mind and change how you see yourself. If you go through this, you might notice:

• You have trouble trusting your thoughts or feelings.

• You feel less sure of yourself.

• You have problems with friends or family.

• You find it hard to make choices.

If gaslighting goes on for a long time, it can hurt your thinking and relationships. You might feel alone or think you cannot ask for help. Gender roles and shame make it hard for men to talk about their pain. If you see these signs, remember gaslighting is real. It can happen to anyone. Asking for help is a brave thing to do.

Comparing Survivors Experiencing Gaslighting

Shared Experiences

Many survivors of gaslighting feel the same way. If you have been gaslighted, you might notice these things:

• You feel upset and confused.

• You may have anxiety or feel very sad.

• You might not trust your own thoughts.

• You can feel controlled and unsure about what is real.

One person said they felt very sad and even thought about hurting themselves after gaslighting. Another person said they could not trust what they saw or felt because gaslighting made them doubt everything. These feelings can hurt your mind and make life hard. You might feel alone, but many people go through this too.

If you feel mixed up or worried after someone tries to change your reality, remember you are not alone. Many people who have been gaslighted feel the same way.

Unique Challenges

Your gender and situation can change your experience with gaslighting. Women often face gaslighting because of social rules and power. You might see these problems:

• You are taught to doubt yourself more than boys.

• You feel like you must say sorry for your feelings.

• You may deal with unfair treatment, like sexism, which makes gaslighting worse.

• Some people may not believe you or may ignore your story.

• If you are a woman, you are more likely to face gaslighting in abusive relationships. Studies show 74% of women who are hurt by a partner also go through gaslighting.

Men do not always get the same messages from society. You might find it easier to trust your feelings, but you can still be controlled or tricked. If you are a survivor, your problems may be different, but everyone can feel pain from gaslighting.

Note: If you see these special problems while being gaslighted, you should get help and care. Knowing these signs can help you find the support you need.

Why Gender Differences Exist

Gender Roles and Power

Gender roles are everywhere, like at home or work. These roles change how people act and treat each other. Old gender roles can make it hard to speak up. They also make it tough to trust your own feelings. Here are some ways these roles affect gaslighting:

• Old gender roles make stereotypes. These can make people doubt your feelings, especially if you are a woman.

• These roles tell men not to show feelings. This makes it easier for someone to use gaslighting on them.

• Misogyny uses old ideas about gender. This makes gaslighting stronger against women.

• Gaslighters use society’s bias. They call women’s concerns overreactions and make them feel less sure.

• People expect men to hide feelings. Gaslighters can make men question their own emotions.

Power is also important in gaslighting. People with more power use gaslighting to keep control. You might see this in relationships, at work, or in groups.

Cultural and Historical Factors

Culture and history change how you see gender and power. Over time, society made rules that give some people more control. These rules make gaslighting easier. Studies show gaslighting keeps power gaps strong in families and society. People with more money or status use gaslighting to stay in charge. When you know these patterns, you can see why gaslighting affects people differently by gender.

Recognizing and Responding to Gaslighting

Barriers for Survivors

It can be hard to notice gaslighting when it happens. Many people do not see the signs right away. Survivors often face problems that make it tough to spot gaslighting. Some common problems are:

• Emotional shutdown can stop you from knowing your feelings.

• You might feel extra sensitive or far from your emotions.

• You may be scared to open up or get close to others.

• Hypervigilance means you always look for lies and have trouble trusting.

Women often deal with cultural gaslighting that hides their stories. This can make women feel like they do not matter. Sometimes, people do not believe women or listen to what they say. This makes it even harder for women to talk or ask for help. Men can have different problems. People expect men to be strong and never weak. You might feel embarrassed or think no one will believe you. These gendered problems change how you see and react to gaslighting.

Note: If you feel mixed up or unsure about what is real, you are not alone. Many people have trouble seeing gaslighting, especially if it comes from someone close.

Strategies for Support

You can do things to keep yourself safe and heal from gaslighting. Try these ideas:

• Ask for help from friends, family, or support groups.

• Make clear rules to stop others from controlling you.

• Build your self-esteem by doing things that make you happy.

• Learn about gaslighting so you can spot it next time.

• Take care of yourself with exercise, hobbies, or relaxing.

• Write in a journal or practice mindfulness to know yourself better.

• Get help from a therapist if you need more support.

• Use yoga or breathing to calm your mind and body.

• Trust your gut and speak up for what you need.

If you deal with medical gaslighting, bring a friend to doctor visits or write down your symptoms. You should feel safe and respected. Asking for help is a brave and good choice.

You have learned that gaslighting is different for women and men. Knowing about gaslighting helps you see it and feel stronger. Getting support can help people get better.

• Knowing more helps you notice gaslighting and get help.

• Women often deal with medical gaslighting, which can hurt their health.

FAQ

What are common signs of gaslighting?

You might notice someone denies your feelings, changes facts, or makes you doubt your memory. You may feel confused or question your reality.

Can men experience gaslighting too?

Yes, men can face gaslighting. You may feel embarrassed to talk about it, but gaslighting affects all genders and can happen in any relationship.

How can you respond if you think you are being gaslighted?

You can write down what happens, talk to someone you trust, or seek help from a counselor. Trust your feelings and ask for support.