My Journey to Overcoming Control in Love

Have you ever wondered why control issues in relationship seem so hard to break? You might feel stuck, worried, or even ashamed. I want to share my story because I know how heavy those feelings can get. Deep down, fears of abandonment and low self-worth often drive these struggles. You deserve kindness, not blame.

Seeking the expert support of a trained therapist can help you build self-compassion and start fresh.

Key Takeaways

• Notice signs of control in relationships, like too much jealousy and keeping you away from friends. Knowing these signs helps you start to break free.

• Control problems can hurt you emotionally and physically. Take care of your mental health. Get help if you feel stuck.

• Ask for help from friends you trust or from professionals. Telling your story can make you feel stronger. It can help you change your life.

• Make clear rules to keep yourself safe. Say what you need in a strong way. This helps you have better relationships.

• Think about yourself and how you can grow. Do things that make you happy. These things help you feel better about yourself.

Control Issues in Relationship

Signs of Control

Sometimes, you see control issues before you know it. Control can begin with tiny things. You might feel worried when your partner asks about your plans. You may think you are helping, but you are really trying to control things. Experts say control issues show up as fights for power, feeling unsure, or past trauma. Control looks different for each person, but some signs are easy to notice.

• Your partner always wants to know where you are and what you do.

• They check your phone, emails, or social media all the time.

• You feel alone from friends and family because your partner wants you only with them.

• They tell you what to do, control money, or make threats.

• You hear mean words or insults that hurt your self-esteem.

Control issues can cause emotional abuse, codependency, and even domestic abuse. Sometimes, control becomes gaslighting, where your partner changes the truth and makes you doubt yourself. If you see signs of gaslighting, pay close attention. Gaslighting is a tricky way to control you and can make you feel lost and weak.

Tip: Real love lets you be yourself. If you feel stuck or alone, that is not good. Control issues are not about caring—they take away your freedom.

Emotional Impact

Control issues can hurt you in ways you do not expect. Emotional abuse and domestic abuse often start with small control. You may feel lonely, ashamed, or mixed up. Codependency grows when you think you must please your partner to keep things calm. Trying to control each other leads to feeling alone and sometimes even physical abuse.

Here is how control can affect you:

You might stop doing things you used to enjoy. You could feel too weak or scared to speak up. Over time, domestic abuse and emotional abuse can cause depression, anxiety, or pain that does not go away. Physical abuse and verbal abuse often follow control and codependency. Trying to control your partner or being controlled can trap you in a hard cycle.

Control issues do not just hurt you—they change how you see yourself and the world. If you feel alone, mixed up, or scared, you are not the only one. Seeing these patterns is the first step to getting better.

My Story

Recognizing the Problem

You might not notice controlling behavior at first. It sneaks up on you. Maybe you feel like you have to answer every text right away or explain why you want to see your friends. You start to feel lost, like your happiness depends on someone else. You want to make your partner happy, but you feel responsible for their moods. Sometimes, you ignore warning signs because you hope things will get better.

Here are some things you might overlook:

1. Excessive jealousy, even over small things.

2. Unrealistic expectations about how you should act.

3. Isolation from friends and family.

4. Blaming you for every problem.

5. Hypersensitivity, where small issues turn into big fights.

6. Cruel jokes or backhanded compliments.

7. Guilt trips that make you feel bad for wanting space.

You might think, “If I just try harder, things will change.” But you feel more alone. You notice your partner uses gaslighting, twisting your words and making you doubt yourself. Control and gaslighting often go together. You start to question your own reality.

Note: Feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness is heavy. You deserve to feel safe and respected.

The Turning Point

One day, you reach a breaking point. Maybe you feel tired and hopeless after another fight. You worry about your safety or the safety of your children. You realize the cycle will not stop unless you do something. You see how controlling behaviour and gaslighting have changed you. You want to protect yourself and those you love.

• You notice the violence gets worse.

• You become aware that your relationship is abusive.

• You fear harm or threats.

• You feel exhausted and lose hope.

• You want to protect your children.

You decide to reach out for help. You talk to someone you trust or a therapist. You start to believe you deserve better. That moment changes everything. You begin to break free from the cycle.

Overcoming Coercive Control

Self-Reflection

You might wonder how you can spot coercive control in your relationship. It often starts with small acts of control, like your partner wanting to know every detail about your day or making you feel guilty for spending time with friends. Over time, these actions can grow into gaslighting, where your partner twists your words and makes you doubt your own reality. You may feel confused, powerless, or even start to believe you are always wrong.

Coercive control is more common than you think. Studies show that nearly 48% of women have experienced at least one type of coercive control from their spouse. This number is even higher than the rate of intimate partner violence. The more acts of coercive control you face, the more likely you are to experience other forms of abuse in your relationship.

You might notice these signs in your own life:

• Your partner isolates you from friends and family.

• You feel scared to speak up or share your needs.

• You get blamed for problems that are not your fault.

• You lose trust in your own feelings and memories.

Coercive control can cause serious harm. You may develop PTSD, depression, or anxiety. Emotional and verbal abuse, along with dominance and isolation, can make you feel trapped and alone. Physical health problems can also appear, especially if the abuse becomes physical. You might have untreated medical needs because you feel too afraid to ask for help.

If you feel confused or powerless, remember that these feelings are common after experiencing coercive control. You are not alone, and you can take steps toward healing.

After breaking free from coercive control, you may go through many emotions. Here is a table that shows what you might feel:

You may feel relief, but also sadness or fear. Healing takes time, and you need patience with yourself. Self-reflection helps you see the patterns of control and abuse. You learn to recognize your needs and start to rebuild trust in yourself.

Seeking Support

Breaking free from coercive control is not easy. You need strong support networks to help you through the process. Friends and family can offer emotional support and remind you that you deserve respect. Education about abuse helps you understand what is happening in your relationship. Hotlines and shelters give you a safe place to go if you need to leave quickly.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Reach out to someone you trust. Share your story and ask for help.

2. Learn about abuse and coercive control. Knowledge gives you power.

3. Create a safety plan. Think about where you can go and who can help you if things get worse.

4. Seek professional help. Therapy can help you heal and build self-advocacy.

5. Set clear boundaries. Tell your partner what you need and what you will not accept.

You may feel scared to ask for help, but you are stronger than you think. Therapy helps you understand your needs and teaches you how to set boundaries. You learn to speak up for yourself and practice self-advocacy. Support networks give you courage and remind you that you are not alone.

Tip: Setting boundaries is not selfish. It is a way to protect yourself and support your growth. You have the right to feel safe and respected in every relationship.

You may notice that as you build boundaries, the control and gaslighting start to lose power over you. You begin to trust yourself again and see your own worth. Growth happens when you take small steps toward freedom and healing. You learn that your needs matter, and you deserve love without abuse or coercive control.

Building Boundaries

Healthy Communication

You may ask how to set boundaries after abuse. First, know what you need. Think about what makes you feel safe. Think about what makes you feel respected. When you know your needs, you can set boundaries. Boundaries protect you from control and gaslighting. Control can lead to gaslighting. Gaslighting is when your partner twists your words. Gaslighting makes you doubt yourself. Boundaries help stop this from happening.

Here are some ways to build strong boundaries:

1. Figure out your boundaries and what happens if they are crossed. Ask yourself what feels wrong. Ask what you need to feel safe.

2. Get ready to talk about your boundaries. Practice what you want to say. This helps you feel sure of yourself.

3. Pick a good time to talk. Talk about boundaries when you both feel calm. Do not talk during a fight.

4. Stand by your boundaries. If someone crosses a boundary, follow through with what you said would happen.

Good communication is very important. Use "I" statements to share your needs. Do not blame the other person. For example, say, "I need time with my friends." Do not say, "You never let me go out." Be assertive so you can say what you need. Respect your partner’s feelings too. Listen closely to show you care about their needs.

Some problems in communication are misunderstandings. Some people make guesses instead of asking. Some avoid hard talks. You might feel like no one hears you. You might feel ignored. Small fights can turn into big ones. If you see these problems, try to talk openly. Do not act in a passive-aggressive way.

Tip: Boundaries are not walls. They help you build trust. Boundaries keep your relationship healthy.

Ongoing Growth

After you get past abuse and control, you start to feel better about yourself. You challenge bad thoughts. You accept yourself. You let go of things you cannot change. You focus on what makes you happy. Setting boundaries helps you respect yourself. Boundaries help you have better relationships. You learn to trust yourself. You feel less stress.

Here are some signs you are growing:

• You feel better about yourself.

• You accept yourself and others.

• You spend time on things that make you happy.

• You stop trying to control everything. You focus on your needs.

People who set boundaries feel stronger. They feel more sure of themselves. Their relationships get better and feel more real. You may feel less angry. You have more energy for things you enjoy. Boundaries help you know what matters to you. Boundaries make your identity stronger.

Remember: You are in charge of your own happiness. Good boundaries and communication help you stay safe. They help you have loving relationships.

You keep growing every day. When you work through control, you often notice gaslighting fades too. Studies show that personal growth means learning about yourself, staying open to change, and finding harmony in life. You can reach out for help from counselors, friends, or support groups. Try self-care like journaling, deep breathing, or yoga. If you want, share your story or ask questions below. Your journey matters, and you can build a happier future.

FAQ

What is the difference between control and gaslighting?

Control means someone tries to manage what you do or how you feel. Gaslighting happens when they twist your words or make you doubt yourself. Control often leads to gaslighting. If you notice control, watch for gaslighting too.

How can I spot gaslighting in my relationship?

You might feel confused or question your memory. Your partner may say things like, "You’re too sensitive," or "That never happened."

If you feel lost or unsure, gaslighting could be happening.

Why do people use control in relationships?

People use control because they feel insecure or scared. They want power over you. Sometimes, they learned these habits from past relationships or family.

• Fear

• Insecurity

• Past trauma

What should I do if I feel controlled or gaslighted?

Reach out to someone you trust. Talk about your feelings. You can call a helpline or find a therapist.

You deserve respect and safety. Asking for help is brave.