How to Spot Workplace Gaslighting: A Manager's Guide to Taking Action

Workplace gaslighting affects more employees than you might think. The term comes from a 1938 stage play called "Gas Light." The play shows a husband who manipulates his wife into thinking she's going insane by changing things around her and denying what she sees. This psychological manipulation now shows up in our offices and meeting rooms.

Employees who face gaslighting at work often doubt themselves after meetings. They question their memories and get blamed for things they didn't do. The signs can be hard to spot but they cause real damage. Victims deal with constant negative feedback about their work, see their feelings dismissed, and get left out of key meetings. A boss who gaslights often uses unclear or conflicting statements to avoid taking responsibility. This makes it hard for victims to stand up for themselves.

This type of manipulation leaves employees feeling doubtful and alone. They start to question their skills at work. Their anxiety and stress levels go up, and their work suffers. Managers need to spot these behaviors because they affect team relationships and workplace spirit by a lot.

This piece will help you spot workplace gaslighting and understand how it affects people's minds. You'll learn what steps to take before it creates a toxic environment for your team.

What Is Workplace Gaslighting?

Gaslighting shows up as a sophisticated form of psychological manipulation. The manipulator makes someone question their reality, perceptions, or sanity. Merriam-Webster Dictionary says gaslighting tries "to make someone believe that he or she is going insane by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation" [1].

Definition and psychological effect

Someone's colleagues, managers, or subordinates can undermine their confidence and perception of reality through workplace gaslighting. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband makes his wife believe she's losing her mind [1]. The manipulator builds trust in professional settings, sometimes through gifts or personal attention, and uses their position to control and question the victim [1].

A concerning 58% of people have dealt with gaslighting at work [2]. The psychological damage can be severe and includes:

Lost self-confidence and professional identity
Higher anxiety, depression, and stress
Trouble concentrating due to cognitive decline
Less connection with colleagues and lower productivity [3]

Workers feel less loyal to their company when supervisors gaslight them [4]. The constant self-doubt from gaslighting keeps victims stuck in their careers, unable to give their best [1].

The difference between simple disagreement and gaslighting

Simple workplace disagreements are not the same as gaslighting. Gaslighters often say they're just "disagreeing," but their intent and pattern tell a different story. People have genuine differences in opinion during disagreements, while gaslighting comes from wanting to control or manipulate others [5].

Healthy disagreements let both sides:

Talk openly and find common ground
Accept and respect different viewpoints
"Agree to disagree" without personal attacks [6]

Gaslighters attack the other person's viewpoint and call them "too emotional" [6]. They present their opinions as facts, end discussions abruptly, and try to make the victim doubt their sanity rather than see things differently [6]. The behavior also follows a pattern over time instead of happening once or twice [7].

Leaders must spot gaslighting quickly

The professional world runs on hierarchies—a worker's career often depends on their boss [1]. Mentor-mentee relationships create power imbalances that make gaslighting more likely [1].

Quick action prevents:

Lost team trust and psychological safety
Lower work engagement and output [8]
Lasting mental health problems for victims [9]
A toxic workplace culture [3]

Gaslighting often starts small and becomes hard to notice [10]. Watch for signs like constant criticism of ideas, leaving people out of important messages, denying previous conversations, and pushing blame onto others [3].

Smart leaders know that gaslighting is psychological abuse under various laws, including Occupational Health and Safety Acts [1]. Leaders who spot these behaviors early can step in before the manipulation takes root, which protects their employees and company culture.

Key Signs of Gaslighting at Work

Image Source: Vantage Circle

Workplace gaslighting leaves distinct behavioral patterns that emerge consistently. Studies show 58% of workers have faced gaslighting at work [10]. Managers need to spot these destructive behaviors quickly.

Frequent denial of facts or past events

Gaslighting tactics commonly start with flat-out denial of conversations or agreements that happened. The gaslighter uses phrases like "I never said that" or "That never happened" even with clear evidence in stark comparison to this [3]. They think over these contradictions to make victims doubt their memory and reality.

A manager might agree to a deadline in a meeting but later deny the conversation [3]. They respond with "I never said that. You must be hearing things," which leaves employees confused and questioning themselves [3]. Such persistent denial creates uncertainty that makes other manipulation tactics more powerful.

Minimizing employee concerns

Gaslighters excel at downplaying valid worries their targets express. They brush off genuine concerns with "you're overreacting," "you're too sensitive," or "you're making a big deal out of nothing" [11]. Such dismissal makes employees feel their view lacks value.

This minimization runs deeper than just the moment. Employees start to internalize these messages and question whether their feelings are valid [12]. This emotional manipulation creates a workplace where speaking up becomes harder, which isolates the victim further.

Shifting blame or rewriting history

Blame-shifting stands out as the most dangerous tactic. Gaslighters dodge responsibility and push fault onto their victims. They often start sentences with "if you didn't" or "if you hadn't" to justify their actions [13].

These manipulators paint a twisted picture of past events that makes them look good while destroying their target's credibility [1]. They might declare "You're the reason the project failed" when their poor management caused the issues [1]. This history rewrite creates deep confusion and guides victims to believe they caused problems they didn't create [14].

Withholding critical information

Information control serves as another powerful gaslighting tool. Manipulators hold back important details or share selective information to keep victims uninformed [15]. They might "forget" to include someone on crucial meeting emails, then criticize them for missing it [11].

This manipulation shows up in several ways:

They keep employees out of important job-related meetings [10]
They block access to information needed for assignments
They share partial details that twist the full story [12]

Limited information forces employees to act on incomplete facts, which damages their confidence when things go wrong. This exclusion reinforces feelings of isolation and incompetence, even when employees deliver good work [11].

Common Gaslighting Tactics Used by Managers

Gaslighting managers use calculated psychological tactics to confuse and control their employees behind closed doors. Their behavior often escapes detection but causes lasting damage to their targets' professional confidence and mental health.

Public praise followed by private criticism

A devastating tactic emerges when managers shower employees with glowing support in public settings but deliver harsh criticism in private moments. These managers use public praise as a calculated strategy to build their reputation as supportive leaders. They simultaneously undermine their targets when nobody else is around. Their targets face a disorienting experience as they try to resolve these contradictory behaviors.

The gaslighter's public persona typically involves:

Flattering introductions highlighting accomplishments
Social media recognition and celebration
Extravagant displays of appreciation in front of colleagues

The same manager delivers cutting remarks in private meetings and finds fault with everything. They use words as weapons to diminish confidence. This stark contrast serves multiple purposes - it confuses victims, creates dependency on validation, and discredits any complaints since others have only seen positive public interactions.

Using emotional manipulation to control

Manipulative managers turn emotional intelligence into a weapon to maintain power over their employees. They gather personal information as ammunition for future manipulation instead of using empathy to support team members. These toxic leaders create emotional rollercoasters by switching between warm support and cold distance whenever employees question their authority.

Some managers pretend to understand or sympathize only to exploit their employees' vulnerabilities later. Their conditional approval pushes employees to work harder for favor or avoid disapproval. This manipulation gradually destroys trust while leaving victims confused, isolated, and trapped in the relationship.

Undermining employee confidence subtly

The subtle ways gaslighting managers erode employee self-assurance prove most dangerous. They watch for strengths and weaknesses to provide "advice" that deepens insecurities. Simple questions like "Are you sure you can handle this?" or "I thought you knew how to do this" seem innocent but steadily undermine confidence.

Passive-aggressive behavior makes this erosion worse through sarcasm, backhanded compliments, and intentionally withheld information. The manager creates an environment where employees feel perpetually inadequate despite their actual competence.

These tactics share a common goal: establishing control by making employees doubt their abilities, memories, and perceptions. Teams can protect their culture by identifying and addressing these gaslighting behaviors early.

How Managers Can Take Action

Managers must act decisively against workplace gaslighting with proper documentation and smart intervention. Your response needs a methodical, evidence-based approach to tackle this situation head-on.

Documenting patterns and incidents

Full documentation builds the foundation you need to fight gaslighting successfully. You should keep detailed records of all concerning interactions that include:

Dates, times, and locations of each event and everyone present
Direct quotes and exact wording from troubling conversations
Screenshots of emails, texts, and messages that show contradictory statements
Meeting notes and summaries sent later to confirm discussions

Start documenting as soon as you spot signs of gaslighting behavior. These records will protect you and give you clarity when the gaslighter denies events later.

Having direct but non-confrontational conversations

Schedule a private talk with the person showing gaslighting behaviors once you have enough evidence. Before the talk, make sure you:

Practice key points to stay calm and focused
Bring specific examples instead of general accusations
Ask a trusted colleague to witness the conversation

Use neutral language that targets behaviors rather than character during your discussion. To cite an instance, say "I noticed a discrepancy between our meeting discussion and what happened after" instead of "You're lying about what you said." This approach helps you address the issue without making people defensive.

Involving HR with clear evidence

Take your documented evidence to human resources if direct talks don't work. HR teams know how to handle workplace gaslighting through official channels. When you talk to HR:

Show specific examples of gaslighting behavior instead of vague complaints Explain how these actions hurt work performance and team dynamics Ask about next steps and follow-up plans

Let your team know about investigation progress while keeping confidential details private. Most companies offer counseling services or employee assistance programs that help affected team members.

Setting boundaries and expectations

Create clear boundaries about acceptable workplace behavior throughout this process. Share these expectations with everyone and enforce consequences when someone crosses the line. Regular team check-ins help keep communication open and clear.

Boundaries might mean getting email confirmation after verbal agreements, creating meeting agendas beforehand, or making sure multiple people attend important discussions. These steps create accountability and make it harder to gaslight others.

Preventing a Culture of Gaslighting

Organizations must build strong defenses against workplace gaslighting instead of just handling one case at a time. Better solutions emerge when companies change their culture from the inside out.

Creating a psychologically safe environment

A workplace resistant to gaslighting needs psychological safety at its core. Team members should feel safe to point out problems, own up to mistakes, and voice their concerns without worrying about consequences. Studies show that psychological safety runs on trust - people need to know their teammates aren't working against them and that they matter to the team [16].

To build this environment:

Hold "lessons learned" sessions that celebrate learning from mistakes
Train leaders to handle difficult conversations constructively
Look at hierarchies that block communication between workers and management
Recognize what makes each team member special

Teams with psychological safety show more breakthroughs, adapt better to change, and perform at higher levels [17].

Training leaders on emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence - knowing how to spot and handle emotions in yourself and others - helps stop gaslighting behaviors. Leaders who show more emotional intelligence get their teams more involved and productive [18].

Studies prove that emotional intelligence changes how well organizations perform. People work harder when an understanding leader they respect asks them to [19]. Training in emotional intelligence builds key skills like self-awareness, empathy, and active listening. These qualities make it impossible to keep gaslighting going.

Encouraging open feedback and peer verification

Of course, open communication helps fight gaslighting. Regular feedback channels stop manipulation before it starts. The system should include:

Ways to report problems anonymously without fear
Regular one-on-ones between managers and team members
Simple steps to handle complaints

Peer verification matters just as much. Gaslighters lose power when coworkers back up each other's experiences. Companies should encourage team members to listen to their colleagues' ideas and give constructive feedback. This creates a support network that naturally fights manipulation [16].

Conclusion

Workplace gaslighting poses a serious threat to individual well-being and organizational health. Leaders who spot the warning signs early can prevent lasting damage from this psychological manipulation. Gaslighters use sophisticated tactics—from denying past events to undermining confidence—but their behavior follows patterns that alert leaders can identify.

Strong documentation serves as your best defense against gaslighting behaviors. Clear records of interactions with evidence like emails and meeting notes bring clarity when confusion arises. Open communication channels help neutralize the isolation that gaslighters rely on to maintain control.

Note that stopping gaslighting requires individual interventions and systemic changes. Leaders need emotional intelligence training along with clear boundaries and expectations to create an environment where manipulation can't take root. Analyze Your Conversation Now For Free to learn about potential manipulation patterns you might have missed in workplace interactions.

Building a gaslighting-free workplace needs alertness, courage, and commitment from managers at all levels. The rewards make this effort worthwhile—boosted productivity, better mental health, and stronger team cohesion. Each step taken to curb gaslighting helps your organization become a place where employees trust their perceptions, voice their concerns, and perform their best without fear of psychological manipulation.

FAQs

Q1. What are some common signs of workplace gaslighting? Common signs include constantly questioning your perception of events, being told you're making mistakes when you're not, having your concerns dismissed, being excluded from important meetings, and having your work consistently criticized no matter how well you perform.

Q2. How should I document gaslighting behavior at work? Keep detailed records of all concerning interactions, including dates, times, and exact wording used. Save emails, texts, and other written communications. If possible, have witnesses present during in-person meetings with the suspected gaslighter.

Q3. Should I confront someone who I think is gaslighting me at work? It's generally not recommended to directly confront a gaslighter, as they are unlikely to admit to the behavior. Instead, focus on protecting yourself by documenting incidents and, if needed, reporting the issue to HR or a trusted manager with your evidence.

Q4. How can managers prevent gaslighting in their teams? Managers can prevent gaslighting by creating a psychologically safe environment, encouraging open communication, providing clear feedback channels, and addressing any manipulative behaviors promptly. Training on emotional intelligence and setting clear expectations for respectful workplace conduct are also important.

Q5. What should I do if my boss is the one gaslighting me? If your boss is the gaslighter, document all incidents carefully. Seek support from trusted colleagues who may have witnessed the behavior. Consider reporting the issue to HR or a higher-level manager if the situation doesn't improve. In some cases, it may be best to look for opportunities in a healthier work environment.

References

[1] - https://www.culturemonkey.io/employee-engagement/gaslighting-in-the-workplace/
[2] - https://www.alliedonesource.com/leadership-under-fire-exposing-and-defeating-gaslighting-tactics-in-the-workplace
[3] - https://exudehc.com/blog/gaslighting-at-work/
[4] - https://elearningindustry.com/what-is-gaslighting-at-work-and-how-can-managers-deal-with-it
[5] - https://healingheartsofindy.com/gaslighting-vs-respectful-disagreements/
[6] - https://www.stylist.co.uk/health/mental-health/differences-gaslighting-disagreements-therapist-instagram/669843
[7] - https://www.reallifecounselling.com/gaslighting-dispute/
[8] - https://www.amsinform.com/blogs/the-psychological-impact-of-gaslighting-at-work-emotional-and-mental-health-consequences/
[9] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202405/2-clear-signs-that-youre-a-victim-of-workplace-gaslighting
[10] - https://www.betterup.com/blog/gaslighting-at-work
[11] - https://getmarlee.com/blog/gaslighting-at-work
[12] - https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2023/10/25/six-signs-that-you-are-being-gaslighted-and-how-to-break-free/
[13] - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202302/verbal-abusers-and-the-fine-art-of-the-blame-shift
[14] - https://cronelawfirmplc.com/discrimination/gaslighting-at-work-signs-strategies-legal-options/
[15] - https://www.healthassured.org/blog/understanding-gaslighting/
[16] - https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/psychological-safety
[17] - https://www.shrm.org/executive-network/insights/4-ways-leaders-can-build-psychological-safety-work-teams
[18] - https://www.ccl.org/leadership-solutions/leadership-topics/emotional-intelligence-training/
[19] - https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/programs/emotional-intelligence-in-leadership/