When ‘Love’ Becomes Control: 6 Toxic Parenting Behaviors That Feel Like Gaslighting

Good parents want the best for their children—but what if 'the best' becomes a cage? You grew up hearing 'I'm doing this because I love you,' yet you're left doubting your choices, hiding your true self, or even questioning your reality. This isn't love. It's covert control, and it often mirrors gaslighting. If you feel suffocated by guilt, obligation, or confusion when dealing with your toxic parent, this toxic family dynamic might be rewriting your life script and causing long-term trauma. Understanding what is a toxic parent, including the toxic mom phenomenon, and recognizing the signs of toxic mothers and fathers is crucial for healing and setting boundaries, especially for adult children of narcissists.

What Is Overcontrol?

Overcontrolling parents weaponize care as dominance. These types of toxic parents can lead to anxiety, depression, and codependency in their children. But what is toxic parenting exactly? It's a pattern of behavior that prioritizes the parent's needs over the child's, often leading to emotional or even physical abuse. Toxic parenting styles often include overcontrol as a key component. Examples of toxic parents and traits of toxic parents include:

• Guilt-tripping: "We sacrificed everything for you. How dare you move away?" This is a classic narcissistic mother guilt trip tactic.
• Emotional Blackmail: "If you marry them, you'll kill me."
• Reality Denial: "You're too sensitive. We never said that."
• Micromanagement: Tracking your location at 25 or demanding passwords.
• Infantilization: Dismissing your adult decisions as "naive."
• Triangulation: Pitting siblings against each other or using others to manipulate you.
• Shaming: Constantly criticizing or belittling your achievements or appearance.

These toxic parent behaviors, often exhibited by narcissistic parents, gaslight by:

• Distorting your reality ("You're exaggerating!").
• Blaming you for their emotions ("You're making me depressed").
• Rewriting history ("I never did that").

The effects of toxic parents can be devastating, leading to low self-esteem, trust issues, and self-doubt in their children. Understanding why parents are toxic is complex, but it often stems from their own unresolved traumas or narcissistic tendencies. The long-term mental health effects can include attachment disorders, complex PTSD, and intimacy problems in adulthood.

How to Break Free:

1. Set Boundaries: "I won't discuss my career choices further." Establishing clear boundaries is essential when learning how to deal with toxic parents, even as a teenager.
2. Use the 'Gaslighting Check' Tool: Document interactions to spot patterns of emotional abuse and verbal abuse. This can be particularly helpful for adult children of narcissistic parents.
3. Seek Validation: Therapists or support groups (e.g., r/raisedbynarcissists) help rebuild self-trust and provide support for those dealing with toxic family dynamics.

Recognizing overcontrol is the first step to reclaiming your voice and breaking free from a toxic mother or father. It's important to practice self-care and focus on emotional regulation to heal from the trauma caused by controlling parents. This may include addressing the impact of toxic stress on brain development and working through any physical abuse experiences.

But what happens when parents escalate after boundaries are set? Next week, we'll expose their 3 manipulative countermoves and how to outsmart them. These tactics often involve fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG), which are common tools used by manipulative parents of adults. Understanding FOG is crucial for adult children of narcissists to recognize and combat these manipulation tactics.

Follow now and grab our free Gaslighting Check guide to decode hidden control today. Remember, healing from toxic parents is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. By understanding the long-term impacts of toxic stress and working through your experiences, you can break the cycle and build healthier relationships. Be aware that some toxic parents may resort to narcissistic parents financial abuse as a means of control, so it's crucial to protect your financial independence as well.

As you navigate this challenging journey, remember that setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are essential steps in dealing with toxic parent behavior. Whether you're an adult child of narcissistic parents or learning how to deal with toxic parents as a teenager, know that healing is possible. By recognizing the types of toxic parents and understanding the impact of trauma, you can begin to build a healthier, more fulfilling life for yourself, free from the fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) that often accompanies toxic parenting styles. Adult children of narcissists often struggle with these intense emotions, but recognizing FOG as a manipulation tactic can be empowering and help break the cycle of abuse.