How to Heal the Bullied Brain After Bullying & Gaslighting

Bullying and gaslighting are not just emotional experiences - they cause real, tangible harm to the brain. Dr. Jennifer Fraser, a researcher and author of The Bullied Brain and The Gaslit Brain, has uncovered how these psychological assaults can alter a person’s brain function, sometimes with effects comparable to traumatic brain injuries. The good news? The brain has an extraordinary ability to heal, thanks to neuroplasticity.

In this article, we’ll explore how bullying and gaslighting impact our brains, why they’re so damaging, and specific strategies for recovery based on groundbreaking neuroscience. Whether you’re a parent, someone recovering from toxic relationships, or simply interested in understanding the human brain, this guide offers clarity, validation, and solutions.

The Neuroscience of Bullying and Gaslighting

How Emotional Harm Impacts the Brain

Dr. Fraser’s research highlights that bullying and gaslighting don’t just hurt our feelings - they fundamentally disrupt brain function. When faced with psychological abuse, the brain struggles to make sense of the situation. This confusion triggers a stress response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol, which can damage the brain over time. The result? Cognitive decline, impaired memory, difficulty concentrating, and even physical symptoms like anxiety and depression.

Dr. Fraser compares this to a concussion. Just as physical trauma can damage the brain, emotional trauma can leave visible neurological scars, often affecting:

Memory and concentration
Emotional regulation
Decision-making and problem-solving abilities

The brain, when confronted with relentless stress and confusion, degrades all systems, leaving victims in a state of survival rather than growth or thriving.

Why Gaslighting is Especially Dangerous

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, occurs when someone distorts your perception of reality to make you doubt yourself. It’s particularly harmful because it operates subtly, eroding trust in your own judgment and making you susceptible to further manipulation.

Unlike overt bullying, gaslighting works by reversing reality. For example, someone might dismiss clear evidence of wrongdoing by reframing it as "misunderstood" or "misinterpreted." This dissonance scrambles the brain’s ability to process events, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and a degradation of key cognitive functions.

Recognizing the Signs of a "Bullied Brain" Mindset

When someone is subjected to bullying or gaslighting, their behavior often reflects the internal brain damage they’ve endured. Dr. Fraser describes two common responses:

Fight Response: Individuals may become aggressive or lash out, sometimes perpetuating the cycle of abuse by becoming bullies themselves.
Freeze or Withdraw Response: Others may internalize their trauma, becoming overly quiet, withdrawn, or compliant. They may lose confidence, withdraw from social interactions, and develop deep insecurities.

For parents, signs of a bullied brain in children or young adults include:

Avoidance of social situations or withdrawal into isolation
Loss of motivation or declining performance in school or activities
Physical symptoms like chronic stomachaches or headaches without a medical cause
Difficulty trusting others or expressing emotions
Changes in behavior, such as irritability or anxiety

Adults recovering from toxic environments may experience similar symptoms, including difficulty focusing, self-doubt, and a tendency to ruminate over past events.

The Role of Neuroplasticity: Why Healing is Possible

One of the most reassuring insights from neuroscience is that the brain is not a static organ. Thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain has an incredible capacity to adapt, rebuild, and heal - even after significant trauma. Dr. Michael Merzenich, a pioneer in neuroplasticity research, confirms that with intentional effort, individuals can retrain their brains for resilience and recovery.

However, healing the brain requires consistent, deliberate action. Dr. Fraser likens it to physical fitness: just as it takes daily effort to improve cardiovascular health, strengthening the brain means committing to practices that promote mental wellbeing.

Strategies for Healing the Brain

Dr. Jennifer Fraser emphasizes that recovery is not only possible but entirely within reach. Here are some evidence-based strategies she recommends for repairing and strengthening the brain:

1. Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for calming the brain and reducing stress. Regular mindfulness exercises, such as deep belly breathing or guided meditation, activate the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest mode), which helps counteract the effects of stress.

How to Practice Mindfulness:
- Find 10–20 minutes daily for deep breathing. Inhale slowly, allowing your abdomen to expand, and exhale just as slowly.
- Focus entirely on the sensation of your breath or practice loving-kindness meditation, where you intentionally direct positive thoughts toward yourself and others.

2. Aerobic Exercise

Exercise benefits the brain by reducing cortisol levels and increasing the production of BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor) - a kind of fertilizer for brain growth and neuroplasticity. Activities like running, biking, or swimming not only improve physical health but also repair emotional and cognitive functioning.

Aim for at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise most days of the week.

3. Empathic Listening

For parents or caregivers, empathic listening is an invaluable tool. It involves truly hearing your child (or loved one) without judgment or interruption, reflecting back what they say so they feel understood.

How to Practice Empathic Listening:
- Allow the speaker to share their feelings without inserting your opinions.
- After they finish, repeat their words back to them to confirm you’ve understood.
- Alternate roles so both parties feel heard and validated.

4. Develop a Vocabulary for Abuse Culture

Teaching children (and adults) the language to identify abuse is critical. Words like "gaslighting", "bullying", "toxic favoritism", and "humiliation" empower victims to articulate their experiences clearly, reducing confusion and enabling them to seek help.

5. Prevent and Interrupt Stress Responses

Establish code words or phrases that help de-escalate conflict and stress. For example, a parent and child might agree on the phrase "rest and digest" to signal a need for calm and space. This simple act can interrupt negative patterns and foster healthier communication.

6. Practice Brain-Training Exercises

Programs like BrainHQ, designed by neuroscientists, help enhance cognitive functions like memory, attention, and problem-solving through structured exercises. These tools can be particularly beneficial for individuals seeking to rebuild brain health after trauma.

Key Takeaways

Bullying and gaslighting cause real brain damage: Chronic stress from abuse releases cortisol, damaging cognitive and emotional centers of the brain.
Neuroplasticity makes healing possible: The brain is capable of incredible recovery, but it requires intentional effort through mindfulness, exercise, and training.
Mindfulness helps regulate stress: Deep breathing and meditation calm the brain, activating its rest-and-digest mode.
Exercise is brain fertilizer: Aerobic activity replaces stress hormones with BDNF, promoting healing and growth.
Empathy builds connection: Listening without judgment fosters trust and helps repair strained relationships.
Education prevents harm: Teaching children the vocabulary of abuse equips them to recognize and resist toxic dynamics.
Healing requires action: Recovery from the effects of bullying and gaslighting, like physical fitness, demands time and commitment.

The Path Forward

While the effects of bullying and gaslighting can feel overwhelming, Dr. Fraser’s research offers hope. Recovery is not only possible but entirely achievable. Parents, educators, and individuals have the tools to intentionally rewire their brains, strengthen emotional resilience, and break free from the cycles of abuse.

For those still navigating the aftermath of these experiences, remember: hurt brains can heal. With knowledge, compassion, and consistent effort, you can reclaim your mental wellbeing and create a brighter path forward.

Source: "Bullying & Gaslighting Effects on the Brain | How to Heal the Bullied Brain" - Shari Jonas Parenting Advice, YouTube, Aug 4, 2025 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw57su28Zvs

Use: Embedded for reference. Brief quotes used for commentary/review.

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